Disclaimer: This letter is a work of satire and not intended to reflect actual editorial policies or endorsements.

Dear readers, 

This is Rishi Tipparti, one of your Editors-in-Chief for the 2024-25 academic year. I have the great privilege and joy of introducing a bold, new direction for Drops of Ink; it’s been 98 glorious years, but we need an upgrade. We understand your need to address issues that matter to you. To the ever-changing, dramatically evolving world we live in. To all of us. 

Haha, no.

Let’s be honest for a second – who really has the attention span for that? Welcome to the era of the Fourth Estate (AKA us, the media), where political discourse unfolds like a never-ending scroll through your social media feed! Election time blues are real – it’s hard to imagine the possibilities and implications of a new president. Nonetheless, never fear, readers, for we have a solution for you: we wholeheartedly endorse (never mind our freedoms – or lack thereof – as a high school publication) the hottest candidate for the sole, undisputed ruler of the digital age and our beloved winner-takes-all system: President X! That’s right! We decide what you believe now.

Imagine a candidate who speaks your language – literally. President X, a charismatic algorithm of pure meme energy, promises to fill your ears with sweet, sweet promises… that aren’t really going to happen. What, did you think we did our research on this guy? Nah, we just really like our – or our viewers’, since journalists aren’t allowed to have any, apparently – biases. We also just need your trust to make bank. Like any other sell-out publication this time around. “Independent journalism” is dead. Seriously. 

By the people, of the people, for the people… until the people stop paying for us, obviously.

I mean, really, did you think we’d actually report on policy and all that BORING stuff when sensationalism and drama and divisive tactics make us more money? Get real! The Fourth Estate may have once prided itself on being a pillar of democracy, but now? It’s more like a Jenga tower of clickbait and controversy, teetering precariously under the weight of corporate interests and social media algorithms. We have families to feed too, guys. Sorry, not sorry!

Gone are the days of sober analysis and critical journalism; we’re in an era where headlines scream louder than facts, and investigative pieces are buried beneath layers of influencer culture. Bribery? Bias? Why, those are just tools in our toolbox. We’ve got to keep those ad revenues flowing, right?

After all, it’s naivety to piece together facts to make stories, like our watchdog-aligned, Nixon-exposing, corruption-challenging predecessors; the lucrative (and thus right) way to go is to race to create stories from narratives, where facts in the creation of “propaganda” pieces are as important as the Tree #1 understudy in a high school play. Never mind that journalism isn’t just reporting facts, that it’s about people, their lives, and the stories that shape them – let’s face it: if it doesn’t fit neatly into a 280-character tweet, does it even matter?

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Rishi, what could possibly be the solution to all this madness?” Well, some… maniacs suggest we could reclaim journalism by demanding accountability, supporting independent outlets, protecting journalists, and investing in genuine reporting. 

But let’s be real – who has the time to sift through thoughtful analysis when reposting a story online to be politically correct is so much more fun? So, sure, let’s ponder those lofty ideals for a moment… then toss them aside in favor of another perfectly timed, 30-second TikTok sound byte! After all, who needs a well-informed electorate when we can just stick to our echo chambers and increasingly-polarized feeds?

So buckle up, dear readers! Prepare for a wild ride through the realm of “journalism” that prioritizes drama over discourse. Forget about meaningful debates and nuanced discussions; it’s all about who can go viral the fastest! Because, at the end of the day, what really matters is not what you know, but how entertainingly we can package it.

Raise a glass to freedom (something they can absolutely take away from journalists by the current state of the industry; sorry, Hamilton)… and the future of DOI and political discourse: a landscape where authenticity is replaced by algorithms and where real issues are sidelined for a trending hashtag. Welcome to the circus – I mean, the democratic process!

Stay tuned, and remember: vote for President X, because when it comes to politics, it’s all about the show, dear readers!

With Your Best Interests At Heart,

Rishi Tipparti

Editor-in-Chief