Note: A picture that was included with this story when it was originally posted has been removed.
Don’t you miss the days when you went to school with your little shoe box all decorated in pink and red hearts? The tiny slot cut in the lid where your fellow classmates would drop sugary treats with little cards that said “Be Mine?” because everyone had to? Well, that was elementary school. Everyone was your boyfriend back then. Valentine’s Day when you’re older isn’t so sweet if you’re single. Now, you have to worry about your non-single friends asking you what your plans are for the “special” day. You don’t want to tell them some pathetic sob story or else all you’ll hear is, “Aw, don’t worry, there’s always next year!” or “Ugh, I remember when I was single on Valentine’s Day –it was awful! So don’t worry, I know exactly how you feel.” Not this year. No. This year is going to be different for you, because you’ll actually have something to do on Valentine’s Day. There is nothing a little trickery can’t solve. Your friends won’t even know that what you’re about to do is create a fake relationship.
First step in creating a fake relationship is you have to find a desired date. A distant cousin, perhaps? Ask them if they would like to have dinner with you that night. If he accepts, then great! If not, say this distant cousin of yours has a girlfriend, and he would rather have dinner with her that night? No problem. A little bribery never fails. How could he refuse?
Next, the dinner reservations. You have to pick the most exclusive place in town but, of course, that is hard to reserve. Again, nothing a little bribery can’t solve. Once you have the reservations set in stone, it’s time to fit the part. Go to the local grocery store and buy yourself some boxes of chocolate, a nice card from your “boyfriend,” and a luscious bouquet of red roses. That way, when your non-single friends ask you what you’re doing for Valentine’s Day, you can show them the lovely roses and the card that says, “Can’t wait for tonight.”
When it comes time for dinner, dress nice, bring some money because, let’s face it, your distant cousin isn’t going to pay for your meal after spoiling his date with his girlfriend. And don’t forget your camera! You’ll need proof. A few selfies to post on Instagram wouldn’t hurt. Since the restaurant you’re eating at is the fanciest and the most popular place in town, you’re likely to see someone you know. Maybe even one of those despicable, non-single friends of yours. Make certain that you say hello to them and introduce them to your “date.”
The next day, when you see your friends and they ask how your night was, you don’t have to say that you ate take-out and watched Nicholas Sparks movies all night. Now, you can tell them how delicious the dinner was, or show them the beautiful antique necklace that he bought you (but you actually stole it from your mom’s jewelry box). If they ask, “So, are you guys, like, official? What’s the verdict? What’s the deal?” You can say, “Nah, there just wasn’t that spark. I didn’t really see it going anywhere.” That way, you don’t have to keep this up for the rest of your natural life. You can go explore the field of real guys and go on real dates. And if you’re still single by next Valentine’s Day, know that this is always an option. Keep in touch with those distant cousins, and have a happy Valentine’s Day!
