So here we are again. Obviously everyone loves the time when the snow starts piling up in the parking lot. This results in the formation of those incredibly obnoxious snow mounds all over the place, which encroach on the already icy and treacherous pavement. Then, there are the seniors who are frantically trying to make the bell after getting Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts and you get a very calm and peaceful atmosphere of honking horns, speeding, and a new-and-improved version of bumper cars that is neither new nor improved.
Luckily for you, I am here to highlight every aspect of what goes on before school in the parking lot. You can use this information either for good (getting to school a whole 10 minutes earlier to avoid the rush) or for evil (let’s just add on to the chaos). We will first address the parking situation and then go into the rush to make it to school.
The Space Games:The first challenge is actually finding a parking space, which is when seniors can get pretty creative. Oh, you see that pile of snow that’s conveniently on the ground, covering up the yellow parking lines? Well, this is probably where the classic example of adding a few spaces to each row comes in. Because somehow the parking lot just magically expands and somehow manages to fit even more cars into its spaces, nevermind the fact that the space in the lanes where cars have to drive keeps decreasing.
And then we have a terrorizing panic attack set off by the realization that there is one minute until class starts, which can lead seniors to ingeniously create their own parking spaces, even to the extremes of daring to park in the aisles. This will usually result in a commendation of their cleverness and originality by security and their dean, who will award them the vivid yellow ticket that only the most hardcore rulebreakers end up obtaining.
The Before-School Rush: This is when every senior forgets about how bad the road conditions are, how backed up the traffic gets, and realizes that they have five minutes to get to school, park their car, and frantically sprint to their class. And, of course, they had to acquire their coffee supply for the day to keep them awake, active, and definitely hyper-aware of the fact that that little trip just made the time they have left to actually get to school decrease by two minutes, if not more.
Another added excitement is the fact that every single senior is in the same boat as you. This results in the parking lot being crowded with seniors desperate to get to class and introduces a new level of physical activity of sprinting for the front doors, dodging cars that are on a mission, and trying not to be taken down by the ice. This brings a new level of understanding to the term exercise.
The Point of No Return: At this point, the bell has already rung and it’s just too much effort to actually try to book it to the school, so the seniors decide to walk into their classes fashionably late. And if they are already that late, then why should they even go to first period at all? Ten minutes have already passed, and the period is already one-fifth done with, so there’s really no point to going to class because you know that you’ll be too behind to actually understand what the teacher is teaching. Plus, there is downtown conveniently located right by the school, so you might as well grab another cup of coffee and some food because you missed breakfast due to the starting rush.
So, now that you have read the techniques of these master parkers, you can use these skills when you become seniors or to improve your seniorhood to bring the parking lot to even higher heights of congestion.
