Every time I tell someone that I am in a long-distance relationship (LDR), they smile and praise my “strength.” In reality, they are thinking “I give them four months. Six max.
I don’t blame them. There are many things that can go wrong in LDRs, but I argue that there are many things that can also go wrong in a regular relationship, too. In fact, according to longdistancerelationships.org, there is no evidence to suggest LDRs fail more than regular relationships.
After now being in a LDR for eight months, I have learned a thing or two about how to be in a long-distance relationship. With many couples at Libertyville High School planning on continuing their relationship after high school, there should be a thing or two that you might want to know too.
Before entering into my long-distance relationship, there are definitely some things that I wish I would have known before. For example, I have found that some people don’t take me seriously or that seeing that person will be more expensive than you think. I’ve learned that social media your worst enemy or that the conversations over the phone won’t always be lively. These are some hard truths that I have had to face the past couple of months.
If you are planning to have a long-distance relationship, there are also some things you need to think about beforehand: What is the end goal? How long can you be apart from your partner? Or what defines cheating?
Know your limits. Can you deal with seeing someone once a month? Once every couple months? Will you be able to be committed? Having an honest conversation with your partner about the ground rules of your relationship will not only keep both of you heading in the same direction and on the same page, but will also get rid of the unknown.
Having a common end game with your significant other can really put things into perspective. I have found taking things day by day tends to not work out. Rather, for example, knowing that you will stay together through the summer and reevaluate the relationship before you go off to school is a better plan.
The knowledge that if you can survive the distance, your relationship can survive anything, will most likely be the your mantra the next couple of months or years for you. People tend to look at all the negatives of a LDR but neglect the amazing added benefits.
Ryan Tang, senior at Libertyville High School, has been in a long-distance relationship for almost a year. Between here and Ohio there are about 300 miles separating them. Tang says that “Long-distance relationships force you to become independent. Both parties get plenty of ‘me’ time and you don’t have to be presentable all the time — there are off days. Long-distance relationships are also a lesson in effective communication and you get really good at planning.”
Senior Jackie Wu asking her boyfriend of almost a year, Ryan Tang, to prom over Facebook
Senior at Libertyville High School Ryan Tang responds to his girlfriend Jackie Wu’s promposal.
To make a long-distance relationship work, I have found a few things quite effective. I’ve found that doing similar things at similar times is not only a great conversation starter but also keeps things interesting even though you are miles apart. Find common movies to go to or common experiences such as working out or seeing a movie. I’ve also found that finding fun ways to communicate creatively always keeps things interesting. I suggest sending funny pictures, snapchat, sending vine messages, or even video chatting.
Tang also makes an important point that “knowing each other’s schedules is another key aspect of making it work. Knowing each other’s class schedule, when they have work, when they go to sleep/wake up, or even big events such as their birthday or a job interview is really important.” Finding the maximum amount of time you get to talk to that person without the hassle of always being “busy” takes away a lot of stress and potential arguments.
Trust and communication are the two most important things that truly make an LDR last and work. I’ve always found that if that person hasn’t given you a reason to not trust them, there is no need to question or to create unnecessary problems. Communication, along with trust, needs to be constantly worked on. Communicating if you are upset or annoyed by something is always necessary. Communicating in the right way is also something to be aware of as well. If something is on your mind, then say it.
Many people don’t believe that long-distance relationships will work out. Your friends will give you sideways glances and your family will most likely discourage it. Nobody says it’s going to be easy. They are full of meaningless arguments, jealousy, sleeping alone, and second guessing whether it’s really “worth it.” Yes, being in a long-distance relationship is hard, but when it’s with the person you love, it isn’t half-bad. It’s taught me a lot about myself — things I might not have figured out otherwise. Don’t rule out a long-distance relationship because you think it will be hard. Who knows what will happen. You might just make it after all.
