Welcome to the 21st century, the age of technology! Daily advancements in fields like biochemistry and medicine produce solutions to problems we’ve been working at for ages. Vaccinations save millions of lives. Clean energy seems within reach. However, none of this holds a candle to the most important innovation of this new millenia — Snapchat.
Snapchat has revolutionized life as we know it. Thanks to the best friends feature, we can now easily prioritize the people in our lives! No need to go through the grueling, bothersome process of asking someone about their day — just check their snapchat story! But beware — this brave new world is full of very stringent rules with very severe consequences. Break them and kiss your friends, streaks, and social life goodbye. Listed here are the three cardinal sins of Snapchat — the most unforgivable atrocities imaginable to anyone with a Wi-Fi connection. Pay close attention, dear readers; this isn’t just social media etiquette — this is social media law.
1.) Double-Snapping (verb): to respond to several different snapchats with one, singular snap. Say you, the popular media mogul you are, receive several snapchats from several different friends. There are far too many demands on your time to respond to each snap individually. Instead, you smile for one quick selfie and respond to them all in one fell swoop. No problem with that, right? WRONG. Double snappers have no class. Though not the worst of the snapchat sins, double snapping is lazy, disrespectful and frankly, tacky. Each snapchat you receive is a gift from a friend. To double-snap is to send each of those friends the same tasteless, generic thank you card. Instead of a heartfelt, handwritten sentiment of gratitude, you distribute some mass-produced cardstock monstrosity, with “Thanks for that thing, you!” emblazoned in Comic Sans. Yeah, thanks. Real thoughtful, friend.
2.) Arrowing (verb): The act of opening but not responding to a snapchat. I’d rather have an arrow through my heart than an arrow through my snapchat. Even being double-snapped is preferable. There is nothing worse than knowing someone opened your snapchat, your gift, your heart, and chose not to respond. You stare at that sad, blank screen, wondering, “Where did I go wrong? Was my snap not funny enough? Not cute enough? Not important enough? Maybe I’m the one who isn’t funny or cute or important enough…” Friends should never send friends down that dangerous downward spiral. However, some “friends” do. Some “friends” point the way to the dark, dark place. They point the way with an ugly, heart-breaking red arrow.
3.) Streak (noun): The number of consecutive days two people have snapchatted back and forth. This is it. The big one. The golden rule of the yellow ghost. You could double snap every day, arrow time and time again, but don’t you even think about breaking a streak. Snapchat streaks have become so much more than a cute incentive to keep snapping. A streak is a commitment. Once that number creeps above 10, you have an obligation to maintain it. Above friendship, above family, above your own well-being, the streak comes first. Your phone broke? Give someone else your password. Keep the streak. You’re fighting with the friend your streak is with? That’s not the streak’s fault! Keep the streak. You lost both your arms in a freak accident and can’t use a touchscreen? Sure is lucky you have toes! Keep the streak.
Get the picture? Keep these rules in mind and navigating your favorite social media should be a snap. As scary and specific as these tiny taboos may seem, keep in mind that Snapchat is really about connecting with your friends and having fun! So relax, take a selfie, and remember, BREAK OUR STREAK AND YOU’RE DEAD TO ME.
